Married TV Actor Wakes Up To Find His Testicles Have Been STOLEN

Sup Travellers?! Have you ever woken up from a long night's rest with the strange feeling as though something was missing? I think we've all had that feeling at some point in our lives but I don't think it was ever as nuts as what was experienced by 30-year-old Russian Soap actor, Dmitry Nikolaev.

According to reports from Daily Mail, Nikolaev had his nuts stolen from him after a wild night with a YOUNG HOT BLONDE who wooed and drugged him into submission. He reportedly had a drink with the hottie who approached him at a bar after he finished a performance at a small Moscow theatre.

Flirting with him, she invited him to a sauna, and though he was married, he agreed to go with her.

"They kissed and had some more beer and after that the actor remembers nothing," said a police source.

He woke up next day at a bus stop, feeling acute pain, and with blood on his trousers.

Rushed to hospital, he was told that his testicles had been removed and that 'it was done like proper surgery by someone with a medical education'.

The operation was conducted in a 'skillful way', said police, who believe his beer was spiked by an unknown drug.

They fear a gang seeking to sell human organs on the black market.

The actor, now working as a children's animator, was too embarrassed at first to explain what had happened to his wife, said media reports.

I understand that there is a black market for human organs and stuff but who the hell buys human nuts? Who wakes up in the morning and considers going to the market to buy a pair of nuts? It just doesn't seem very feasible but based on what the young hot blonde did we can all conclude that there is a market for human nuts out there and guys should now be very very afraid because right now I can't imagine anything worse than waking up without your testicles.

Now I'm going to be extra careful because you never know who's out there plotting to jack your nuts. Anyway, my name is Trinikid and you've just been informed.