MAKING THE WEB A BETTER PLACE, ONE PUBLICATION AT A TIME.

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Posted by Trini Kid - - 0 comments

Sup Travellers?! If you're reading this post then you've most likely used Facebook at some point in your life. Whether it be just yesterday, this morning or last month I'm sure you've seen your fair share of terrible Facebook status' that typically fall into the following categories. Let us know what you would add to the list in the comments.

1. The Cliff Hanger (Otherwise known as ‘Vaguebooking’)

“That’s IT. I’m so DONE with this“, “ugh FML” and “This could be a biggggg day…” and always followed by comments like “hope u ok hun x” 

AKA: “Attention! I’m attention seeking!” A few people will comment when the pressure becomes too much for them to bear, and ask what’s going on, but everyone else will just awkwardly ignore your unashamed attention seeking. And then if you “don’t want to talk about it” in the comments, congrats on being an idiot.

2. The Way Too Literal Update

“Just got out of the shower”, “Ate dinner”, “Uni work is boring me to death”

Just in case you wanted a minute by minute run down of your friend’s life, here it is. For some reason, it’s become commonly believed that talking about how bored you are on Facebook is entertaining for the people on your friends list. It’s not. Stop. There’s a reason  why no one is liking these constant monotonous updates, cease and desist.

3. The Wannabe Private Message

“Love how people have to talk behind my back, if you have something to say just say it to my face FFS” (oh, the irony), “I can’t believe I wasted so many years of my life with a dickhead” and any kind of private joke.

Unless you are technologically challenged/my great auntie who just got Facebook and doesn’t understand what’s going on, you have no excuse to be airing your random and uninteresting dirty laundry to everyone, there’s a reason Facebook created Facebook Messenger, use it. Or at least tag them in it, which would be far more entertaining.

4. The Next Step To Enlightenment

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” ~Buddha  xxxx “, “Merry Christmas and remember to prepare for an awesome 2015 by reflecting on the year and being truly GRATEFUL for those around you. Hugs and kisses x”

Congrats, you’ve managed to successfully be vaguely condescending, patronizing yet still pretty damn uninteresting all in one status. Yes, we get it; you’re so intellectual, well rounded and philosophically minded that we can hardly stand to be near you. So do us a favour and start a blog and write these things there.

5. The Humble Brag

“Uggggh just ate about fifteen piece of chocolate gotta learn to control myself when flying first class or they’ll cancel my modelling contract LOL :p” “Just rolled out of bed and guys are still hitting on me, lol have you seen my hair?”

Yeah, we get it. Your life is great, and you need us to know in the most passive aggressive way possible. Thanks.

6.  Loved Up Couple Rubbish

“I’m so lucky to be so in love with my babygirl”, “two years with my boy [insert way too many love hearts and weird emoji’s here]”, “i  long for u each night if i giv u my hert will u promise not two break it?”

Can we take this elsewhere, please? Your relationship is between the two of you and should remain that way. It’s also kind of putting me off my dinner…

7. The Shocker

“In the ER” “Can’t believe I ended up in an ambulance” “Can’t believe my car has been written off!” 

If you have enough time to Facebook, you should probably call your loved ones to make them aware of whatever’s going on instead of letting them find out via Facebook. You should also probably reconsider why you want every person you ever vaguely ‘met’ – and all of the ‘random adds’- to know the intimate details of your life.

8. The one’s that make you actually *palmface* . Literally.

Anyone who mixes up ‘lose’ and ‘loose’, ‘genuinely’ and ‘generally’, ‘your’ and ‘you’re’, ‘to’ and ‘two’, and anyone who uses ‘literally’  for emphasis.

No you are not literally dying. And if you are, I sure as hell hope the first thing you’d do about it isn’t telling facebook. Also, work on your English, please.  It’s killing me, literally.

I'm sure you've posted status' like these at some point in your life but let's make a change this 2015 and stay away from this 8 types of status'. Anyway, my name is Trinikid and you've just been informed.